You Said What Now?

I've mentioned before that my son's perception of time is skewed. Sometimes, this manifests as a rather annoying or even frustrating trait. But every once in a while, it creates a situation of almost sitcom-level hilarity and absurdity.

My wife and I use a euphemistic code-phrase when we want some uninterrupted alone time while our son is awake. We tell him that we're "going in our room," and that he's not to disturb us. We make sure he has snacks and water, and he is generally free to occupy himself however he likes (reading, video games, etc.). He virtually never interrupts us, and most of the time, doesn't even acknowledge our entry or exit of our bedroom.

Most of the time.

However, one day, not long ago, my wife and I told our son that we were "going in our room", and that we didn't wish to be disturbed.

Our son asked how long we were going to be. He does this sometimes, I'm not actually certain why. He doesn't seem to care what the answer is, he just asks, seemingly, for the sake of asking.

At any rate, we told him we would be "a while", and that he was free to amuse himself with whatever choice he desired. He immediately became engrossed in a Youtube video, and my wife and I went into our room and did things that people attracted to each other do.

Now, as an aside, I don't have any particular hang-ups or insecurities about sex, nor does my wife. We're a fairly frank and open family, and we've discussed sex in an age appropriate and understandable manner many times. So our son knows what "going into our room" means; he just doesn't care.

With that said, I'm pretty sure what follows was unintentional on his part.

My wife and I were in our room for...well, the usual amount of time. There was nothing out of the ordinary whatsoever with this particular bedroom romp. I don't want to put too fine a point on it, but we spent the same amount of time in our room as we almost always do.

Got it?

Yet as we exited our room, we heard a chipper, cheerful voice opine from the living room, "You guys weren't in there very long!"

And while I couldn't see his face when he said it, from his tone of voice, I am almost certain he had a giant, shit-eating grin on his face when he did. My first grader called me out for taking inadequate time in banging his mom.

If I could bottle those moments in time and sell them, I'd be a billionaire.